Last week I saw many friends who were coping with all kinds of challenges. I looked at them, I listened to their stories and saw different kind of body languages telling me they were in a surviving mode. At the same time I felt that they made is worse, heavier for themselves than necessary. In these situations I often receive many ideas to cheer them up a bit, saying something which give them a hint to go on with their lives, to make the next step. Or I do something which they do not expect but had certainly a need for without knowing it. and then often there is a smile, a tear or whatever, and that's it.
And most of the time this happens automatically, intuitively. However, this week it didn't work out anymore as usual. And I felt myself also falling into a struggle. I became more and more in a kind of depressed state. I didn't understand what was happening with me.
Why couldn't I assist these wonderful people anymore like I always did? Was I doing something wrong? Did I loose "it" whatever the "it" is. I became grumpy and even angry on those others. Angry because they didn't want to go on, because they decided to stay stuck in their lives, angry because they didn't want to see the positive things right in front of them them. I became angry on them because they made my day heavier than needed, that they ruined my day! Wham, ouch..there I got myself. What in heaven's name was that. This is not who I want to be, who I am. This is not who I used to be.
Is my happiness suddenly depending on others, of how they manage their lives? Is the amount of joy in my life suddenly depending on external factors? Something similar was also the case in my holidays (see former blog: pulling away the rug under my feet). No, this can't be the way, this is not want I want in life., this is not me, never been.....well never??? Oh sure, years ago when I was living in my survival mode. That was long, long ago but I remember. Hmm why is that now coming back then? It is not want I want right now, I know I can hurt the people around me with that attitude. So what now? And there I sat thinking what to do with all these questions and feelings.
A few days later after this moment of revelation, after a bit more meditation and a very good yoga lesson, life began to flow again as I knew from how it used to be in the last two years. And I got the answers on my questions.
1. It is nothing else than another old piece of myself, not completely worked out, and because of the higher frequencies of these days became loose enough to get rid off.
2. I am ready for this next part. Sometime ago I had the wish, the intention and question to be completely free of anything what holds me back, from everything what I had taken onboard and what is now not relevant for me or not needed anymore, from all that not suits me anymore and from all old and unhealthy belief systems.
3. That what happened these days did show me where I came from, how I used to be. And with that, the question if I wanted that back or wanted to continue with the life I have gained.
Well that question was easy to answer and I decided from the bottom of my heart and soul that I want to continue with this new life and even better. Also I realized immediately how grateful I am to be able to experience that I had to walk this path, that I was allowed to choose this path.
With the first two point I had something of a feeling of " Am I still working on that off".
However, the flow of life was back again, I felt amazing. It was as if the universe reacted immediately on my response:" Ok, you have chosen, get on board and let's go".
the next realization was about seeing the people around me just as they are, with al their emotions, their struggles and pain. I don't have to change that. It is their part, their choice. It is not my task or purpose to pull them out of their part. What happens if I do that all the same, is that my beloved ones are getting more and more stuck in their part and resistance. The fight will only get bigger. I remembered a little saying from the lightworker seminars: "A Lightworker is someone who creates a loving and save environment for another to continue and finish their process where they are working at, and to be able to heal themselves accordingly". OK, I forgot than one for a while. I accidentally took the role of the lifesaver upon me (well sometimes that happens as an ex firefighter, crisis coordinator and manager emergency response services...yeah I had found my place in those days).
However, I felt good again and inner piece was back with me. I sent some loving energy and thoughts to my beloved ones who were in their fight, their challenge or struggle, without disturbing them anymore. I did it with the intention that they were allowed to use this energy in a way that felt good to them, to be used for the highest possible and without any motives from my side (like the ones of getting healthy, more sociable or being able to step out of the situation). No, I only surrounded them with my love, nothing else. Oh, what I silently did is asking for assistance from the universe. Well, you know, I am also just an angel trying to be human...am I?
And there is happened....I just saw it changing, so special that I was able to witness this change in a very conscious way. And so fast after my prayer. I saw those people, my beloved ones around me getting more optimistic, more alive, more colorful. The change was so clear. It all happened because suddenly the right things for them appeared on their path. They needed to take actions, got more energy out of that, more confidence and they felt stronger again, more powerful.
And thus it seems that happiness, joy are being fostered by influences from outside. However, it was clear to me that the struggle inside the person became less and disappeared, acceptance was gained, sometimes by fatigue or sometimes by something they suddenly remembered.
And from there new things arrived on their path from where they were able to feel the love, the joy and happiness. It was never gone.
And I can say that I gained more confidence in life itself just by seeing this process. Sure, it hurts a lot to see your beloved ones, children or your parents, in a struggle with themselves without being able to change that. They need to start that change themselves. But know, if you keep offering your unconditional love to them, you do more than you ever will know.
Today I read the next phrase and in this context it fits well:To have joy in observing and understanding, is the most beautiful gift of nature.
(Albert Einstein)
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